The Castle

“I wonder if life outside is really that terrible?” the soldier thought.

For the first time in years, tiny seeds of curiosity about the world outside had begun to take root inside him. He had forgotten that the reason he came here in the first place was to escape from that very world.

“No, no, I have not forgotten, I still remember how they hurt me. No matter how much I want to, I cannot forget the pain and suffering of that day,” the voice of logic inside him replied. He chose to listen. With slow steps he pulled himself back from the castle window through which he watched the outside world. Once again he found himself in the darkness, in the shadow of thick walls, where nothing and no one could harm him.

“But, but…” the soldier stood up and leaned once more on the corner of the window, “that was a long time ago, could things not have changed? Maybe there is a place for me in this world too, maybe I could become a part of this colorful realm,” he said, pointing with his hand at the scenery he was watching from the window, as if trying to convince someone other than himself. Suddenly a strong excitement filled him. It had been so long since he felt anything like this that he welcomed the feeling. Maybe this excitement was a sign that his thoughts were right, he wondered. His logic had already surrendered. No matter how hard it tried, it saw no meaning in continuing a battle it knew it could not win.

“Am I really doing this?” he asked, but going against the last duty of his logic was not difficult for him. “Yes, yes, today is the day, wait for me, World!” a shout filled with joy and excitement echoed from the castle. After years, the castle gates opened. From the doorway a young, tall creature peeked out, an obvious smile on his face. Overflowing with the pure emotions of a child, he finally took his first step. With the courage that first step gave him, he continued forward. He felt closer than ever to the outside world. Everything was going wonderfully for him. At least that was what he thought, and it was normal to think that, because right now all he saw was a beautiful, colorful landscape. He was so mesmerized, so content, that he did not even bother with the little stones that occasionally caught under his feet. He walked and walked and walked. It felt as if a small child was pulling him by the hand. He was no longer in control of his own steps.

Everything continued just like in fairy tales, but it could not stay that way, because this was no fairy tale. The soldier’s foot caught in a thorny bush. The sudden pain that shot through his body felt like waking from a dream. When he bent down to look at his leg, he saw it had begun to bleed. But the worst appeared when he lifted his head. The soldier froze in terror. The beauty he had admired moments ago was gone without a trace. In its place stood a world filled with darkness and fear. The child who had been holding his hand had disappeared as well. Faced with all this horror, he realized he was completely alone. Everything began to close in on him. His head spun, his vision darkened. It felt as if this darkness was trying to forcefully seize control of his body. He looked at his trembling hands, and when he saw the drops of blood falling from them, the fear swallowed him entirely. He suddenly remembered his castle, how safe he had been within those four walls, how peaceful and free from worry he had lived there, far from everything and everyone. A spark of hope appeared in his eyes. He gathered whatever strength he had and turned back, running with all his might toward his castle. The castle could not be that far, he thought, but he had no idea how far he had wandered while lost in his thoughts. His knees hurt, his legs struggled to keep going, but the idea of stopping did not even cross his mind. But his legs did not share his determination. They tangled under him and sent him crashing face first to the ground. The soldier lay motionless for a few seconds. He was beginning to think that resisting was pointless and that it would be easier to surrender to the suffering closing in on him, when something caught his eye. He forced his head up. He looked forward to be sure of what he saw. He had not been mistaken. The castle gate was right in front of him, only a few steps away. He could not give up when he was so close. Fueled by this tiny spark of hope, he fought to gather strength once more. He would not be able to stand, and he had no time to argue with his legs now, so he put all the strength he had left into his hands and began crawling toward the gate. He managed to get a bit closer when the castle, as if answering him, opened its gate slightly and invited its soldier inside. With renewed strength, ignoring the wounds and blood on his hands, the soldier pushed himself toward the entrance.

At last, he crossed the threshold of the castle. Watching the door close behind him, he exhaled deeply and felt relief wash over him. Still lying on the ground, he used his hands to prop himself up a bit and sat with his back against the door, facing the room. He had no idea what had happened. He had not had even a moment to think during the entire escape. Now he had plenty of time, yet he still could not find the strength to think about any of it. Instead, without even noticing, he began to sob uncontrollably. The weight twisting inside him made his neck drop, and he felt as if his head might fall off his body. He pulled his head between his knees, hoping somehow it would keep it from falling, all while his crying continued. He did not know why he cried, but whether there was a reason or not did not matter at all.

“Ah, my poor friend, did you really think there was a place for you in this world?” a voice came from inside the room. The soldier, startled by the deep and resonant sound, lifted his head and looked toward where the voice came from. The tears in his eyes blurred his vision, so he could not see clearly, but he made out the silhouette of a human standing in the middle of the room, looking at him. The soldier suddenly forgot all his pain. It felt as if all his strength had returned to his body. He stood up and rushed toward the silhouette. He could now see it more clearly. It looked exactly like him. It felt as if he were seeing the reflection he once saw in a mirror. He could have questioned this, but instead of trying to bring any logical explanation to what he saw, he surrendered to the instinct to embrace the person in front of him. He opened his arms and threw himself forward with all his strength, seeking comfort in the arms that should have received him. But no one was there. He fell face first to the ground again. Only then did he realize that the person he was certain had been there had vanished. In truth, everything made more sense now. He was alone in this castle. The possibility of anyone else being here was almost zero. He rolled over and lay on his back, now staring up at the ceiling of the castle. He raised his hands to look at them again. The blood and wounds that had terrified him before were gone. His hands were clean. A smile appeared on his face. He was laughing at his own foolishness, as if he had finally understood the nature of the game he was trapped in.

“Forgive me,” a voice came from somewhere around him. This time, the soldier did not even feel the need to search for its owner. What he heard pleased him. Perhaps this was the only thing he needed right now. The smile on his face grew into laughter. It was the only reaction he could give to everything that had happened. After laughing for a while, he finally grew tired, placed his hands behind his head, and with a smile on his face, continued watching the castle that surrounded him.